So I was a zombie at work due to lack of sleep the last few nights (despite going to bed way early!) and I got talked to about how I looked like I didn't want to be there... WTF. Hey guess what, I'M FUCKING EXHAUSTED because you have me working early in the morning all weekend long and I'm not used to it! A major flip-flop in the schedule is hard to adjust to, assholes. And they just would not accept the fact that I am tired beyond belief. I'm trying my hardest to keep moving, but there's only so much caffeine I can consume safely! I'm being responsible and not going out, I'm getting myself into bed early and trying to take sleep aids... but there's only so much I can do! If you want me to be my usual chipper, energetic self you need to stop scheduling me at 6 am. Each consecutive day I have to do this gets harder and harder to do. I'm primarily a night shift, so it shouldn't be such a fucking surprise that I'M TIRED AS FUCK. How about this... the next time someone takes a damned vacation, you find someone else to come in at 6 am 5 days in a row. Problem solved! Didn't take a fucking genius to solve that one! Until then, why don't you quit you're fucking bitchin' and accept that I'm exhausted because of your fucked up scheduling. I'm so tired at work that I'm constantly dizzy and my vision occasionally goes blurry. How I am driving myself home, I will never know.You'd think I'd be able to take a nap after work with how tired I am, but that doesn't happen. I tried... but failed horribly.

They even suggested I go see a doctor... seriously! My problem is not medical! My problem is you. So if I go to a doctor and tell him what happened... do you think he'll write me a note that says, "Do not schedule more than 2 early morning shifts in a row, otherwise you put the employees health at risk?" Mother fuckers. I wouldn't be able to take sleeping pills anyway because I can't swallow pills, and I'm already prone to walking/talking in my sleep, so I'd hate to think what would happen if I had a prescription sleep aid with sleep walking as a side affect...Anyway, I'm off to bed at 9 pm... the earliest I have EVER gone to bed in my entire life. See, I really am trying! Heres to hoping I am better rested for tomorrow and the next day. Stupid fucking daylight savings can suck a fat one, BTW.

Work stress and frustration just keeps piling up... so tonight, I had myself a little emotional breakdown at work. Being sick certainly doesn't help. Or have I gotten sick because I'm so worn down from work? There's always too much stuff to do, and not enough time to do it. Days like today make it so hard to not just walk out and never come back! But I wouldn't do that. Things do need to start getting better though, or I might have to take some serious time off just to restore my sanity. I hate breaking down like that at work (or anywhere else for that matter)... but I hate people seeing me breakdown worse. Things were getting so much better with our last manager! I wasn't stressed by work so much anymore and I had a better attitude. But those days are gone, and so is my sanity. I just hope we get a new manager soon so we can all get things cleaned up and back on track. Happy employees make for happy customers.

In any case, this should be some damn good motivation to get my application in to Beau Monde so I can start school and get one step closer to being done with Fred Meyer... I never thought I'd be working there this long, but life has had it's hiccups and I've had to stick with it. It's time I got myself a career and start a postive life and future. But for tonight, I will lament and hope that I don't get a bruise from banging my head on the desk at work. :-(

The decision has been made. After several days of total silence and my anger growing inside of me, I really can't be Megan's friend. The silent treatment should have stayed in your childhood, my dear. You think I have stabbed you in the back... ok... I'm sorry, that is not an excuse. And now for some clarification, because I'm angry and I just really feel like saying the harder stuff.

1. What happened with Tim WAS A BIG FUCKING MESS and you know it. I had to deal with BOTH of you, so I know. I had to calm you down, and help explain to him why you were so upset. In that scenario, I think you overreacted because of a miscommunication/misunderstanding. Once you were calmed down, it was easier for you to make a rational decision concerning him. In the end, you told all of us that the reason why it wouldn't ever work out was because he is not a PDA person. If that wasn't the truth, then... well, I guess that is not my fucking problem, is it? I didn't realize it was such a sore subject for you, because I thought that it had all been resolved and you had realized that what happened was a misunderstanding. If you told Jared some other story that painted Tim up to be some terrible guy, that is not my fault. You think I should stick up for you? Sure. But shouldn't I also stick up for my other friends (and future family)?

2. Jared is my friend. I should be allowed to give him a proverbial pat on the back and say, "Hey man, sorry about what happened, don't beat yourself up over it." I firmly believe that I did not stab you in the back with what I wrote. I'm sorry that you think that. Ok, my brief mentioning of Tim hit you harder than I could have known it would (as stated above, because you have not made it known to me that it was such a sore subject)... and that comment about him would have ended with me saying it was a mess, but Jared said that your version of that story made Tim into a messed up person. I didn't hand out details, but I did feel the need to mention that it probably happened differently than how you told Jared it did. The only reason it got mentioned was because it was the first example I had to say to Jared that it was not your first time overreacting. And OMFG I'm so horrible for telling the truth.

3. The internet is serious business. Obviously, you should take what you read on the internet and blow it way out of proportion. Or maybe, I dont know... maybe you could ASK me if I'm saying what you think I am saying. Because if you took the time to tell me you're upset over something I said, none of this would have happened. I could have had some chance to say, "No, that's not what that means," or "I think you have misunderstood me."

I'm tired of this. I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but I can't apologize for the reason, because I don't agree with your reason. You overreacted and treated me poorly because of it. If this friendship ever gets repaired, it certainly won't be the same. But right now, I'm tossing you out the window the same way you did to me. Have a nice life.

Or maybe I'm just overreacting and it's all just a big misunderstanding... except that it does not appear that she had to re-add anyone to her friends list, since everyone else is still there! No, she had to have specifically meant to remove me. I need to give this time... can't stop thinking that I should send her a message or a text or something... If she wants to have some space from me because I'm friends with Jared, then that's fine. I would like to get a heads up though. Maybe a, "Hey Heather, I'm a bit upset right now, gonna take a time out and remove you for a minute then add you back..." Hahaha! Yeah, that sounds funny now that I think about it. I just keep anticipating something from her... a comment, a text... anything. I need to wait it out. At least until sometime tomorrow. I'm upset with her behavior towards me, but not in a way that I will approach it with anger. I don't know if it will ever quite sink in to her head how much she hurts people when she casts them off like this.

Also, now that I have written 2 entires in less than 24 hours... I really miss this. I really need to just write more. It makes me feel temporary sanity when things are bothering me. I guess part of the reason I don't post much is because things are pretty good. I don't want to bore you all with "I love Pete" all the time. Oh LiveJournal... perhaps I miss you more after James Urbaniak (voice of Dr. Venture) mentioned you in the interview during Donkey Kong Marathon. That was awesome!

Is the story beginning again? Megan dated, broke up, deleted her facebook, undeleted it... but removed me from her friends and left Pete on there. WTF? The only thing that makes sense is that she saw the comments I left on Jared's page, which aren't even bad! I told him that she has a history of overreacting, and I've seen her go through stuff like this before (ie: pete's brother). I wrote that to him as a way to say, "Hey, don't beat yourself up over this!" As any story goes, there are usually 2 different versions because each individual will tell it how they saw it. If you were an outsider watching, you're story would be different from both of theirs. I always keep this in mind when I'm hearing my friends tell me their problems. But unfortunately, I am one of the few. That was a tangent... the point here is that I don't understand any of this. Whatever is going on, it's kinda hurtful. I want to message her or try to ask her what's up, but I just don't want to deal with some rant about me being a terrible friend. Fuck that. I am a great friend to her. I listen to her, I take her home when we've been out so she doesn't have to take transit, I do favors for her... I've attempted setting her up with someone at a time when she was complaining about being single... I have stood up for her in various online battles/arguments... I could go on. So every time she pulls shit like this, it hurts. Why is she so quick to throw me off the bus? Do I mean so little to her? Grrr. And she can't even say anything to me, or tell me if she is upset about something. I have to just randomly notice that I am not her friend anymore. And the fact that she still has Pete as a friend makes this a lower blow. I'm sorry, but Pete and I come as a pair. You can't have one without the other. Oh you say you've done some Christmas shopping and got something for Pete? He doesn't want it. He won't want anything from you, friendship included, if this is how it it's going to be.

Blah.

It always blows over. But how many times will the people she does this to be ready to pick things back up?

I'm upset over this. These opinions will change... ?

October is a good month. Good enough to actually construct a journal entry! I've been hard at work putting together my costume (Tank Girl) and I've spent way too much money on it. I think it'll be worth it, though. Just have to finish the belt buckle, mod some pants, and make the t-shirt for the most part. And get my hair bleached.

I swear I barely just got over being sick a week ago and now I'm sick again. I think I can honestly say that it is because I haven't been drinking my Viso lately! I've been abstaining from the cans completely and just haven't gone to buy a supply of the bottles in a while. I wish Fred Meyer would go to bottles already so I can get my vitamins on a regular basis! What I need to do is get a case from the warehouse seeing as they are much cheaper that way. I've barely been sick this past year due to my Viso addiction... This just means I can never stop. :-P

Federal aid has finally come through for Aveda, so now I just need to get a FAFSA filled out and to put in the beauty school application. If I don't waste too much time, I could start in January. I'm so excited and scared to finally get started. I can expect to have almost no life outside of work and school, but hopefully the time will fly by and then I'll be out looking for a job in a salon. I want to get into a career so I can start really planning my future. I'd like to be married before I'm 30, maybe even talking about kids. Pete already has baby fever... which means I should go get some birth control! Lolz. But really, no babies until I'm good and ready!

But for now, I just need to focus on Halloween! Gotta design my sweet Pac-man pumpkin(s) and finish my costume!

Hello?

I never have anything good to write about... How many times can I reiterate that life is good and I'm really happy right now?

Let's get random!

-Tollhouse cookie dough is not all it's cracked up to be.

-I have become semi-addicted to the cookie dough at Papa Murphy's.

-Brewfest was fun, even though a lot of the beers were already tapped out. Must remember to go on a Friday or Saturday next year!

-I do not want to miss next year's Spring Beer & Wine Fest!

-I need to renew the registration on my car... I think Thursday before work would be a good idea, since I'm going in early already tomorrow.

-I want to get craftier and make cool stuff, but I never seem to have the time.

-Pete and I should really have another haiku day!

-Stacy's wedding is going to be awesome. Seeing Keith will also be awesome! Am I gonna need to make a speech? I should... and I have no idea what to say.

June is almost over! No updates for June yet! I am getting so bad at writing in my journal these days... I know I need to change that, because someday I am gonna wish I had better documentation of my life.

So what's new? I love Pete (but that's not new)... my job is really sucking balls right now and I hope it starts getting more tolerable so I can be less miserable. It's temporary, I know, but that doesn't change how stressed out I am over work! I actually got so upset today when the new schedule came out (and I saw that I was fucked all over again) that I ended up crying in the bathroom on my break. Lame, I know, but this is what stress does to me.

What else? Well, I guess those are the big ones... I am increasingly more and more excited for Scott Pilgrim. Just reread the first 5 and book 6 is out soon. I've been on top of all my bills lately, and I think I will start to see some of them melt away before too long. I also need to start putting aside money for PAX... and buy PAX tickets... and find a cheaper hotel option! I have a lot on my plate right now. Stacy's Bridal Shower is this Saturday... need to start thinking about what I want to do with the decorations!

Anyway, time for bed... don't wanna sleep in too late though, cause tomorrow I have to try and go to bed pretty much as soon as I get home from work so I can wake up early and go right back in to work. Maybe they should just have little sleeping rooms in the store, with a cot and a TV and some internet. That would make it a lot easier... blah.

My birthday has come to a close... It was very enjoyable! Pete came in to Vancouver Thursday night and stayed until Sunday. :-) Over the course of the weekend we watched all of Firefly, which I am shamed to say I had never done before despite my owning the dvds. The birthday was spent shopping with Stacy and then going to Saint Cupcake, the Rogue house and Todai with Pete. We finished off the night with the finales of How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang theory, then watched Serenity to complete our Firefly binge. I'm excited to see I Fight Dragons tomorrow night! And to get tea with Megan!

Anyways, now I'm 26... the years go by so fast now it seems... I really should jump on getting everything on track for my life soon! But for now I will just go to sleep.

My birthday is right around the corner, and I haven't figured out what I'm doing yet. Must go to Rogue house for my free beer and t-shirt though. Maybe Stacy and I will go get our make-up done at the MAC counter or something. Four more days of work and my 6-day birthday weekend can begin! Friday night will be Geeky Karaoke, Saturday there is a party at the geek house... Sunday there is no plan! Well, I'm keeping Sunday evening open since it's Stacy's birthday and we may or may not do something that night... Monday, my birthday, no definite plans! How is this possible?! I have made some really stellar birthday plans these last few years, and it would be a shame to waste it. I don't have much extra money to throw around, though. :-( Especially with the I Fight Dragons show on Tuesday night, which I know I will want to buy a shirt at.

Blah, this is about all I can get my brain to muster up right now... too tired from work today, and lack of sleep last night. I think it might be time to turn the lights out and crawl into bed...

You can always tell when I am really busy or really happy because there are much fewer LJ entries. By the time I sit down to write, everything I could say is just gone. My month in summary: Love Pete... saw Kickass and it was amazing... Hot Tub Time Machine was good... Been unbelievably broke all month long and I haven't even been spending a ton of money... Here's to hoping it's all just one bad financial month and it doesn't keep up this way! I just wish I could make all my bills disappear, that would be awesome. It would be nice to have more than 10 bucks in the bank just in case something happens and I need money, ya know? I wish I had some way to make a little extra sometime... outside of my job. Maybe when I start beauty school I will get tips or something. That would be pretty rad. I need to stop being so lazy and just get that damn application in. What's holding me back? I think I'm scared to do something completely different. Afraid to make such a big change in my daily life... afraid I won't be able to do it or handle it right. I need to drop this mentality and get with it.

But right now I need something to eat... I hope they went grocery shopping...

So yeah, things are pretty f-ing fabulous and super rad with Pete. I am very much in love with him! Yes, that's pretty fast, but it just feels right. This is not just the NRE talking, I swear! He is the most amazing boyfriend I could have hoped for and I have never felt as comfortable with a person as I do with him. He's adorable, incredible, smart, witty, sexy, dorky and geeky... and I know he feels the same way about me. I definitely feel lucky... There is no reacher and settler, only reachers. Full on adoration happening here. For all the times I have said I was broken - I am fully and completely healed, thank you very much! <3 <3 <3 But enough mushy stuff...

Outside of my bliss with Pete, I'm really stressed about money right now. I don't know how it snuck up on me like this... well yeah, I guess I do know when I look back at the grand scheme of things. I think I need to start budgeting stricter, especially at the bar. Maybe limit myself to one pitcher of beer per outing? It's barely Monday and I have already spent way too much of my paycheck that I got on Friday. But to be fair, some of that went to bills and setting aside rent money for my mom. A lot more of my money has been going towards gas too... I'm sure it doesn't help that I drive to Beaverton most nights to see Pete. :-/ As much as it kills me to say it, I know I need to maybe stay home a bit more. I am also neglecting other things that I know I need to do. Or maybe... maybe we can start meeting somewhere halfway to hang out? I don't care what we do as long as I get to see him (and not spend much money). This will be easier once the weather is more consistently nice because then we can just hang out in a park or on a playground and chill. I don't want to have to give up spending time with Pete... must find better ways to budget money! Perhaps I should start bringing lunches to work again... and really, I need to stop drinking so much. Limits, Heather, it's all about limits.

I love how when all the other pieces of my life come together so beautifully, there is always something major lurking in the shadows to bring me back to a stressful reality. *sarcasm*

Must get taxes done... and must not buy pretty things with it this year. Must pay off some bills.

Life has taken an unexpected turn lately. All things good! I feel like I have a different guy to talk about in every post... but I think it's about to be the same one from now on. I met Pete about a month ago, and I didn't know it then but he is really amazing. We talked a bit online and then I went to hang out again at karaoke and since then we have been seeing a lot of each other. If we weren't both on Verizon, I would have one hell of a phone bill from all the texts we are sending! Seriously though, we talk all night online, start talking again in the morning, then text all day while I'm at work and then talk all night again online. It feels so good to connect like this... everything seems to fit perfectly! I do realize this could just be the NRE talking, but I have such a good feeling about this. I'm really excited to introduce him to my friends and I'm in great anticipation of future events with him. :-) Today/yesterday I woke up to an email with a mini powerpoint presentation he made to make me smile and to basically "ask me out." Complete with lolcats! It was so rad... sappy and fantastic. Apparently I inspire him to be creative, which is awesome! I am now in the process of finding a creative way to answer...

So life is good. In fact, it's pretty f-ing fantastic! It really is easy when you meet the right person! And look at me, I stayed out all night with him and I am still wide awake at 8 am. haha I really should try to sleep now though... I just really wanted to write this days overdue post first. :-P

Sometimes late at night, I think it would be divine to just disappear for a while. I'm not stressed out and certainly not trying to hide for any reason... but retreating somewhere sounds great. If I could retreat from my own mind that would be even better. I would suffer from far less confusion! Most of said confusion comes from boys... Not that I'm confused from their side, just from my own. I live in a world where I know what I want, but I still don't know what I want. What I mean to say is that I know what sort of person I want, and the qualities I am looking for, but I don't really know if I want any of that right now. Maybe all I really need is to just shag a bunch of people. So far I seem to be doing a pretty good job! heh.

I could see reasons to date all three of my recent adventures, but there's still something holding me back. Maybe the problem is that I am missing the extra spark that attaches me to a person because I've known them all for so long. Meeting and connecting with someone new is one of the things that helps draw me in to the dating life. I can make out with or sleep with friends and have it not be weird (on my side of things anyway), but I can't just start a relationship with anybody. Maybe I used to be able to, but not anymore. At this point in my life I have had my share of nasty break-ups and terrible heartache and I'm done with that. I never want to feel as horrible as I felt with Nathan ever again. I experienced some of the worst days of my life because of him. Maybe that's the real reason why I'm so disconnected with wanting to be in a relationship. They can't hurt you if you aren't with them! No, that's not fully true... there was a small degree of hurt with the whole Chase thing... but I think that was more the feeling of rejection, or the feeling of losing something that could have had potential. I'm over that... very much so. I'd still bang him, though... if he wanted. :-P Nothing else. I have better prospects lurking about... like Matt, for instance. We started talking and getting to know each other recently. I like talking to him, I liked hanging out with him, I liked the feeling of getting closer to him... I like him. Not sure what to do or where to go beyond that... I want to continue getting to know him and try to hang out with him more. The hard part about that is the fact that he lives kinda far away. Who knows... only time will tell. What I do know is that I have taken on the characteristics of a girl with a crush and I smile when I get a text from him. Hmmm...

Conclusion: What I want... I want to toss out the perspective of a reacher and a settler. I think you can both be reachers. I want to be with someone that I can look at and think, "I win." And I want them to look at me and think the same thing. I want to think he is amazing and know that he thinks I am amazing. It'll happen... when I least expect it, I'm sure! But now it's time for bed.

Dear Strange dudes messaging me on myspace,

There is no way I will message you back or respond if you can't even message me in proper English. Why do people think that is attractive? Ugh.



On a side note, my legs hurt like a bitch from last night. Why you ask? I hung out with my buddy Kevin Flinn and things progressed into a 2-hour extremely vigorous session of sex. It was freaking nuts! Oh man... Now I am so sore! Anyways... Gotta put shoes on cause Jared is picking me up...

I have pink eye! It's gross... and I look funny cause one of my eyes in swollen. I decided to go to urgent care and I also have a sinus infection. They precribed me a 4-day antibiotic for my sinuses and some antibiotic eye drops. Those damn drops cost me $70 though... But whatever. I don't want to have bloodshot, gooey swollen eyes longer than necessary. Also, I hope I didn't accidentally give Derick pink eye, since we boned in the backseat of my car last night... right in front of my house. Bad Heather! haha. This morning I realized that I left my bra in the car... and when I went to drive to the doctor I noticed that Derick left his underwear in the back seat of my car! I lol'd. Last night was fun!

Before those shenanigans, Derick, Kyle and myself went over to Mississippi Ave in Portland for some real low-key mardi gras fun. We went past a CD/Game Exchange and couldn't resist... oh man, I scored some sweet shit! NES games bought: Friday the 13th, TMNT, Paperboy and Double Dragon. SNES bought: Beavis and Butthead. I also bought a few dollar cds too: Iggy Pop "American Caesar," Billy Idol "Cyberpunk," Babes in Toyland "Nemesisters" and one I have never heard called Hicky "The Proof is in the booze." After that we walked up to Casa Naranja and had some tasty $5 hurricanes and some tapas style food. I had some really tasty bacon-wrapped steak bites and quite possibly the best soup ever. It was a brown butter squash soup and it was sweet, rich and a hint of spice. My mouth had a soup-gasm! They also had a very unique drink menu that I will have to make my way through sometime. Very nice, chill place with a rad outside area in back that has swing seats around a hanging table and hammock chairs.

Hmm... I think I might attempt a nap or something... I'm really tired since I woke up early with my eye all glued together...

Ugh. I'm sick... like sinus infection sick. I don't think I'm sick enough for a doctor, though. Hopefully I can get better really soon and not get any worse. The extra crappy part is that it's Fat Tuesday and I don't think I could get myself feeling up to partying tonight. :-( I woke up this morning and my eye was stuck shut a little... I looked in the mirror and thought it looked like I gotten snot on my face and I was a bit confused, since there was indication that my nose had been really runny while I slept. Well, a little later, I went to blow my nose. Afterwards I look in the mirror to make sure I don't have snot on my face and I see a glob of snot that has come out of my eye socket. Yes, I actually shot snot out of my eye! It was weird... then my eye felt pretty irritated for a while.

Ugh. Also, I've been getting to feel a few girly crushes lately. It's nice. Not gonna name any names though...

Anyways, I seem to have found other sick people to join me to check out some Mardi Gras happenings in Portland for a bit... so I'm gonna go get dressed and do that.

Not sitting on your ass all day long feels pretty damn good! Yesterday I took full advantage of my day off and went shopping on Hawthorne. I came across a few rad finds and then stopped by the shop Alex is working on and planning on opening in March. It still needs a lot of work, but I think it's going to be pretty awesome. Blake and Lexi were there too so it was great to hang out for hours while they painted.

Today so far, I have not been on the internet all day! heh. I've been listening to music instead of watching tv, and I even longboarded for a bit up and down my street. I hope sometime today Bean texts me, cause he ordered an extra 72-pin connector and is gonna help me fix my NES. Hells yeah! Oh shit, right after typing that he texted me... the universe is a funny thing.

In other news... Heather finally got laid after 5 months. I get the feeling that it won't be quite so long in between anymore. Cheers! Anyway, I'm off to downtown Vancouver in search of badass patches to sew on my new jacket I bought at Buffalo Exchange. Then to meet up with Bean and take care of my NES. :-)

Life is good.

OMSI After Dark is so rad! Beer and science is a wonderful combination... and the Ball of Doom! Muahahhaha... I've missed Blake and Lexi. I've missed Alex. I've missed Derick. Derick and I have been extra flirty lately, too. Blake and Lexi seem to think we should be boning each other and commented about us being "snuggly." I seem to have no lack of boys to choose from! Buuut it's all playtime right now. In all seriousness, I'm gonna need to get laid soon... and I am in no short supply for willing participants. But I'm not exactly going to sleep with just anyone.


Hmm so I started writing that a few days ago but then forgot about it and never finished/posted it.

Days off... oh how I have missed them! After internetting all morning I think I'm going to gear up to go to the mall or something. I've got a little extra money lately and I just feel like looking around. Plus I got nothing else to do today. I would also love to hit up Music Millenium... hmmm... or just Hawthorne in general. In any case, I think I just wanna walk around looking at stuff and listening to music on my iPod. Gotta get dressed for that though!

Hmm still on internet... get up and get moving Heather!

You know you miss/need love in your life when seeing others together just makes you say, "Awww..."

But really... I do miss it. I miss that incredible feeling and rush of just being with a person... I miss feeling really comfortable with a person, yet still being excited to see them and experience the world with them.

Alcohol has been a good friend to me these last couple nights... it's dry outside tonight and I have the urge to grab my board and feel the wind in my hair! I wish I could feel as good as this all the time. :-( I just need to never be by myself. That's when the far reaches of my mind take over...

Flying, falling... yes please!



(Drunk Heather...)

So I'm lying to myself... I'm saying que sera (or however you spell that) and I really don't mean it. I just set off bigtime by facebook chat... but I know that's not the real reason I've been set off. It's my mind and heart coming to terms with this whole thing with Chase. I feel like maybe I fucked it up without even realizing it... What Chase said to me and what he appears to have shared with Mike when he was drunk seem a little different... and now... now I'm just filled with regret and remorse!

I need a stiff drink and a cigarette. I may be capable of bouncing back from these things very fast and easily, but that doesn't mean I don't still want more.

I'm still being lazy about sending my Aveda app...

Chase broke off whatever it was we were doing...

Luke's birthday was of epic proportions!

Started hanging out with this guy Mike that I met at the party...



I have launched myself into a world of "I don't know." I think what I do know is that I really just need to have my playtime. This is what I decided when i broke up with Jordan - that I was just going to be single for awhile. I may have easily changed my mind with Chase if he had wanted that... and well, it really sucked when he said we should just be friends. He shall claim no girly tears from me though. *sigh* He was a fun one... really got my motor running. Is it bad that in the aftermath I'm thinking, "Can we at least fuck each other... just once?" ha. haha. ha. But really, I have no idea how we went on several dates in 3 months, each ending with a pretty fiery make out session and never had sex. I guess I should have just been more aggressive, but I was so stuck on "taking it easy." I know I could go out and get laid pretty easy... as Brian described Luke's party, it was like they all worshipped me. I wouldn't put it exactly that way, but yeah, people do vie for my attention. Damn, it sure feels good to dress up and have lots of boys flirting with you. On a sidenote, when is the cut-off for using the term "boys"? None of them are boys... but the jury is still out on that one. This guy Mike... jury is still out on that one, too. I find it kinda funny that he works with Chase... and apparently Chase pulled him aside at the party when he noticed we were talking to let him know that he had just broken up with me... WTF? Why does that matter? He never held any real claim to me. I never even pretended to be exclusive... I still flirted and made out with other boys. That is just my nature. Until I have been pinned down with titles, I will do what I please.

Other thoughts: Must hang out with Alex more! Seriously, this might be the longest we have gone without hanging out for years. Also, must see more of Derick.

I'm hungry... and why does it smell like warm apple pie downstairs?

Oh good god... I shaved my legs yesterday and today they are so irritated and itchy and it hurts but I can't stop scratching them! It's times like these that I consider never shaving ever again. Being a woman sure can suck sometimes... :-/

I'm gonna construct a journal entry of how I plan to answer the essay questions on my Aveda application... Then when I am satisfied with my answers I will write them in the app. It's almost all done and ready to send off!

Question 1: Why are you considering a career in cosmetology?

Cosmetology has struck my interest many a time, and it has always seemed like a fascinating and rewarding career. I am the type of person that loves to try new hairstyles and isn't afraid to experiment a little. I love the feeling when I walk out of a salon with a fresh new haircut - vibrant, energetic and joyful - I want to give that feeling to other people. I know that this is a career that I will enjoy for a lifetime and I am confident that I have the ability to excel in cosmetology.


Question 2: Why is self-esteem and handling constructive criticism important to being a cosmetologist?

It is important for a cosmetologist to have good self-esteem because if they are unsure about what they are doing, then their clients will pick up on it and probably not enjoy their experience. Your clients should see that you have confidence in what you are doing and know that they will leave your salon with a new look they can be proud of. Being able to handle constructive criticism is also important. A good cosmetologist will take constructive criticism as a way to help themselves improve what they are doing.

Question 3: What is your definition of "professional"?

Being professional means holding yourself to an unwavering high standard. My definition of professional includes a confident understanding in what you are performing, a clean, well-dressed presence, and a good, family-friendly attitude. It would be unprofessional for one to use swear words or tell dirty jokes near their clients or another cosmetologist's clients. Your clients expect a clean and welcoming atmosphere that gives them more reason to return to your salon.


Alright, now I need to choose 2 of these to put on the application. Thoughts? The lady I met with at the school said short and sweet answers were good. I need feedback on this, so any readers that don't post comments, let me know what you think?

zerocoolphreak: you sir, are suffereing from lack of fun times
zerocoolphreak: the disease is spreading!
bloodyrunesmaho: fuuuuuuu.....
bloodyrunesmaho: what do we do, doctor heather?
zerocoolphreak: we drink and engage in shenanigans!
bloodyrunesmaho: PROGNOSIS, HEMOSTATS, STETHOSCOPE
bloodyrunesmaho: STAT!!
zerocoolphreak: break stuff in parking lots or something
bloodyrunesmaho: boozometer...
bloodyrunesmaho: think so?
bloodyrunesmaho: i'm sure i've got some things to smash
zerocoolphreak: hehe
bloodyrunesmaho: ooh, we need a baseball bat >=D
zerocoolphreak: smash beer bottles after we drink em
zerocoolphreak: walmart!
bloodyrunesmaho: yes
zerocoolphreak: open late for all your smashing needs
bloodyrunesmaho: huh
bloodyrunesmaho: well i gotta work tomorrow morning.
bloodyrunesmaho: so you have to convince me.
zerocoolphreak: I like the idea in my head of getting a baseball bat and maybe going somewhere out away from everything and bring a bunch of shit to either smash or use as a baseball and just go to town
zerocoolphreak: we should do that with some people sometime
bloodyrunesmaho: yeah
bloodyrunesmaho: i'm down.
zerocoolphreak: yeah and bring guns to shoot stuff too
bloodyrunesmaho: mmhm!
bloodyrunesmaho: kris wants to go up to larch when the opportunity presents itself
zerocoolphreak: yesssss
zerocoolphreak: when it isn't too cold and it's dry
bloodyrunesmaho: cody's roommates got guns by the butt-load
zerocoolphreak: fuck yeah
bloodyrunesmaho: kris got guns
zerocoolphreak: I haven't shot a real gun since I was a kid
bloodyrunesmaho: i've got no objection to visiting value village in search of a bat and/or smashables
zerocoolphreak: aw damn, this idea is getting awesome
bloodyrunesmaho: fuck, you know what? let's get a 24 pack of soda
bloodyrunesmaho: those'll go right out of the park!
zerocoolphreak: yeah, cheap shasta shit
bloodyrunesmaho: fuck yeah
bloodyrunesmaho: those are good for shootin, too, i imagine
zerocoolphreak: now I'm excited
bloodyrunesmaho: mmhm
zerocoolphreak: beer, guns, shootin, smashing stuff....
zerocoolphreak: it doesn't get much better
bloodyrunesmaho: oh, man. I want to make some low-grade explosives and shoot those, too
zerocoolphreak: unless we bring porn
bloodyrunesmaho: better learn how =/
bloodyrunesmaho: omg
bloodyrunesmaho: PORN
bloodyrunesmaho: and BOOZE
bloodyrunesmaho: and...
bloodyrunesmaho: uh...
zerocoolphreak: nekkidness?
bloodyrunesmaho: BOOZE!
bloodyrunesmaho: i guess that can come, too
bloodyrunesmaho: but that might not go over so well at larch
zerocoolphreak: no?
bloodyrunesmaho: if we could find a private estate on which it is ok to shoot, drink, and smash, however...
bloodyrunesmaho: and nekkidness is also ok...
bloodyrunesmaho: then fuck yeah
zerocoolphreak: nekkidness is ok if no one else is around
bloodyrunesmaho: nekkid destroy party!
bloodyrunesmaho: damn, that gives me a hardon, ya' know?
bloodyrunesmaho: i'm just imagining.... shotgun... soda... explosions...
zerocoolphreak: and boobs
bloodyrunesmaho: lettin it all hang out.
bloodyrunesmaho: well
bloodyrunesmaho: boobs give me a boner pretty commonly
bloodyrunesmaho: this isn't like a sexual boner.
bloodyrunesmaho: this is like a...
bloodyrunesmaho: uh...
bloodyrunesmaho: gratuitous destruction and firearms boner
zerocoolphreak: We should bring pirate flags too
bloodyrunesmaho: eh
bloodyrunesmaho: i'd rather bring gasoline
bloodyrunesmaho: and set something on fire.
zerocoolphreak: light stuff on fire that we just want to see how it burns
bloodyrunesmaho: yeah
bloodyrunesmaho: when it gets dark
bloodyrunesmaho: and throw in all the things we've smashed
zerocoolphreak: know where we can get a cheap or free fax machine?
zerocoolphreak: then we can go office space on it
bloodyrunesmaho: and dance, chanting around it!
zerocoolphreak: haha yessssssssss OMG
bloodyrunesmaho: um
bloodyrunesmaho: there's one at my parents house
bloodyrunesmaho: also a computer
bloodyrunesmaho: dunno how they feel about me getting drunk and naked and shooting/smashing/burning these things.
bloodyrunesmaho: Somehow, i imagine my dad would be proud...
zerocoolphreak: oh yes
zerocoolphreak: what dad wouldn't?
zerocoolphreak: he'd be sad he is unable to do it himself
bloodyrunesmaho: no dad i would like to know.
bloodyrunesmaho: I think this conversation has just been nominated to appear on one or more journals.
bloodyrunesmaho: by me.
zerocoolphreak: yup
zerocoolphreak: and me
bloodyrunesmaho: all in favor, say 'aye'
zerocoolphreak: twas planning on it!
bloodyrunesmaho: aye.
zerocoolphreak: AYE
bloodyrunesmaho: XD
zerocoolphreak: tales of our night of destruction will sweep the land
zerocoolphreak: and everyone will be jealous
bloodyrunesmaho: lol
bloodyrunesmaho: smash clubs will form in every major city.
zerocoolphreak: first rule of smash club....
bloodyrunesmaho: the third rule of smash club, no shirts, no shoes, no pants.
zerocoolphreak: this will be EPIC

Ok, who am I kidding here? I don't want anybody else. I am not interested in anyone else... This part... this is the hard part. Nervious, anxious, impatient... lustful... it's starting to get to me. How much more until I lose my sanity? My mind is on overdrive.

Hours later and this is all I can seem to put into words. Why is this so much easier when I'm just talking out loud to myself? As soon as I try to articulate some sort of written word it all disolves. Maybe the real trick to this would be to turn everything else around me off and just type anything and everything that pops into this weary little head of mine...

I need to stop staying up so damned late all the time! Come March I will need to be in class in downtown Portland by 9 am 5 days a week... staying up this late just won't work for that. I think I should make an effort throughout February to wake up early every day. Or at least Tuesday through Saturday. Yes, this will be the plan! And now I should go to bed because I don't want to sleep all day. Gotta do more laundry tomorrow! Maybe clean up a bit in my room...

Well damn... my cousin just requested me as a friend on Facebook... I've kept all my online accounts family free for years! Well, I guess it's a good thing I have kept my Facebook pretty clean so far, cause I just know that it probably won't be long until more family locates me. :-P Meh. Perhaps it's time to lock up some of them bad pictures I have up on the intarwebz.

So, I have finally caught myself a cold. So far it's just a stuffed/runny nose and some sinus headaches. Yesterday at work though... I was kinda dizzy and semi nausious most of the day. Hopefully today will be better. Thank goodness Raina switched my opening shift with me, cause closing and then opening when you're already sick certainly doesn't help things. In any case, I need to stop procrastinating and get ready for work.

New laptop! I have downloaded everything I can think of so far... Firefox, Trillion, semagic, a bunch of plug-ins for Firefox... Got my Doctor Who desktop... oh wait! I forgot about iTunes! That will be next.

Life without laptop has been hard these last couple days. And now I have a pretty, shiny new toy! It's a Sony Vaio, 4 gbs of memory, 500 gb hard drive, blu-ray player, LED backlit, Intel Core 2 Duo, nVidia Geforce graphics card... I'm happy! Today I also aquired Premeval vol. 2 on dvd. :-)

Tomorrow night is New Year's Eve. No plans as of yet! It would be rad to maybe see Chase... *sigh*

So yeah... import music time...

My laptop is dead! I want to cry... I tried system recovery and it still won't start up! Someone help me at least save all my pictures?