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Pixie Bliss
zerocoolphreak
25 January 2010 @ 04:04 pm
Life updates... and a mini rant?  
I'm still being lazy about sending my Aveda app...

Chase broke off whatever it was we were doing...

Luke's birthday was of epic proportions!

Started hanging out with this guy Mike that I met at the party...



I have launched myself into a world of "I don't know." I think what I do know is that I really just need to have my playtime. This is what I decided when i broke up with Jordan - that I was just going to be single for awhile. I may have easily changed my mind with Chase if he had wanted that... and well, it really sucked when he said we should just be friends. He shall claim no girly tears from me though. *sigh* He was a fun one... really got my motor running. Is it bad that in the aftermath I'm thinking, "Can we at least fuck each other... just once?" ha. haha. ha. But really, I have no idea how we went on several dates in 3 months, each ending with a pretty fiery make out session and never had sex. I guess I should have just been more aggressive, but I was so stuck on "taking it easy." I know I could go out and get laid pretty easy... as Brian described Luke's party, it was like they all worshipped me. I wouldn't put it exactly that way, but yeah, people do vie for my attention. Damn, it sure feels good to dress up and have lots of boys flirting with you. On a sidenote, when is the cut-off for using the term "boys"? None of them are boys... but the jury is still out on that one. This guy Mike... jury is still out on that one, too. I find it kinda funny that he works with Chase... and apparently Chase pulled him aside at the party when he noticed we were talking to let him know that he had just broken up with me... WTF? Why does that matter? He never held any real claim to me. I never even pretended to be exclusive... I still flirted and made out with other boys. That is just my nature. Until I have been pinned down with titles, I will do what I please.

Other thoughts: Must hang out with Alex more! Seriously, this might be the longest we have gone without hanging out for years. Also, must see more of Derick.

I'm hungry... and why does it smell like warm apple pie downstairs?
 
 
I'm feeling...: contemplativecontemplative
 
15 having an orgy | Take off your socks
 
( 15 having an orgy — Take off your socks )
Mikeavelli[info]xaositecte on January 26th, 2010 08:01 am (UTC)
Chase was a little drunk when he started talking to me about his side of the equation so he didn't make much sense, but he was saying, "yeah, I'm not dating Heather anymore, she was fun, but I was always confused where I stand with her."

I just kinda've nodded and said "She's like that."

I never got along with Mike, not for any fault of his, just because we were both competing for Heather Hash's attention years ago (before I started knowing better than to bother) - and we never really became friends despite being in the same social group for a couple years.

He keeps getting invited back to these things though, so he must be pretty cool.
Pixie Bliss[info]zerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:11 am (UTC)
Couldn't he have asked me? Ugh... I was just always too nervous and confused at where he saw things... haha oh man, this is like a vicious circle... :-( A sad circle. This SUCKS.
Mikeavelli[info]xaositecte on January 26th, 2010 08:17 am (UTC)
We had a separate discussion during the party in regards to the advice I tend to get out. It's like a metaphor, see, I'm talking to a Train, and it's asking me what track to take. Yes, trains can talk now. There are two tracks, possibly more, but one of them has another train heading straight towards it from the other way. If it took that track, a head-on collision would be the only result, and there'd be this spectacular train wreck.

My advice is along the lines of, "See that train, you RAM THAT FUCKER!"


Erm, in real-life terms, plowing headfirst into whatever you're nervous and confused, and then clearing things up with straightforward questions is the best thing to do. Always. Even now that it's done.

...

Also, you've gotta figure out what you want so you can answer him when he asks. If you don't know, well, maybe the breakup is for the best.
Pixie Bliss[info]zerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:21 am (UTC)
I do know what I want... :-( I was never sure he wanted anything though.

OH MY GOD and WTF... Miiiiiike I really liked him...
Jen Bush[info]superfrau on January 26th, 2010 08:31 am (UTC)
Look, if you didn't have the nerve to put it all out there for him, then its pretty readily thought that he just wasn't right for you in some way. If you really wanted to be with him, I'm sure that you could have mustered up the courage to tell him how you felt and what you wanted.

You can either be sad about this turn of events (which some could see was inevitable) or you move forward and find someone new. Its all up to you.
Pixie Bliss[info]zerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:35 am (UTC)
People have said this to me before... how it should be super easy... but it isn't! I don't get the same spark from a person that is easy. The spark was what made me so nervous... the thought of liking someone that much, someone that I was really really attracted to etc... it's scary. And those are the feelings that make you feel energetic and alive... feelings that often get buried deep inside.
Jen Bush[info]superfrau on January 26th, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC)
The feelings that make you feel energetic and alive aren't the feelings you should bury.

There can be no greatness without risk. Yes, getting hurt or rejected sucks. But, you will never know if you never try. Have courage, tell Chase how you feel. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame.
Mikeavelli[info]xaositecte on January 26th, 2010 08:34 am (UTC)
Stop pussyfooting around and DO IT!
Pixie Bliss[info]zerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:36 am (UTC)
It seems like the ship has passed... I suck... Has the ship passed?
Mikeavelli[info]xaositecte on January 26th, 2010 08:40 am (UTC)
Hell if I know, what you've read here is everything Chase has told me on the subject.

If you call him right now and shout, "Let's start dating and can I come over and fuck your brains out right now?!" - or some variation more in character for you, I don't think he'd say no.
Pixie Bliss[info]zerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:43 am (UTC)
I feel pretty pathetic right now...
Mikeavelli[info]xaositecte on January 26th, 2010 08:44 am (UTC)
:(

These are meant to be words of inspiration!
[info]theeinherjar on January 26th, 2010 12:23 pm (UTC)
"why does it smell like warm apple pie downstairs?"


Why does that sound dirty?
Pixie Bliss[info]zerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 12:27 pm (UTC)
Just because...
anaverin[info]anaverin on January 29th, 2010 01:50 am (UTC)
imsorry
( 15 having an orgy — Take off your socks )