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06 November 2008 @ 07:03 am
The list - Are you on it?  
You know those icons floating around LJ, the ones that say "LiveJournal - We know drama"? I want one that turns into "Myspace - The drama will follow you." :-P Apparently it's truce time, though the so-called "war" never should have even happened..... now it's time for Heather's thoughts. Uncensored.

Jen Z - You had no right. Just because the two of you are fucking, doesn't mean you can just attack me. What do you even know about the last year of mine and Nathan's relationship? Oh, just the things he has told you since we broke up? You mean the angry hurtful things he is probably saying about me to you? Yeeeaaahhh.... that's right. You guys deserve each other. I always knew I was the only thing standing in your way. I'm still open to continue communication with you, and I don't hate you... but you did piss me off. Do me a favor and JUST STAY OUT OF IT. Unless it specifically involves you, it is all between Nathan and I (and no one else).

Nathan - WTF? You sick your new/old fucktoy on me? For what? Oh, to give me anxiety problems that make it difficult for me to function at work? I couldn't breathe very well and my heart would not stop racing... all because I had to deal with you and your whorde (spelled with a 'w' on purpose, get the joke?) in an online battle. What is the fucking point?!? You give me health problems that I would rather not have. I have kept myself censored on here just so it wouldn't start any problems... the mushroom post was not intended for your eyes, I removed you from the filter, but seem to have forgotten to remove your music journal from it. Whatever, deal with it. You were the one prying, and did it make you happy? No more censoring from my end. I'm "purging" my censorship, so to speak. I am not trying to rub anything in your face. It's my journal, I should be able to talk about my life. My life is good right now, so that's what your going to see. And yes, we can be friends, but I think we should either wait a bit, or just take it very slow. Also, I would like my hookah and polka dot dishes and can you check the bottom shelf part of the coffee table for Sailor Moon vol 2? I admit I haven't gotten through the whole bag of stuff, but I haven't seen it yet and I am pretty sure you probably missed it 'cause I don't think you knew that it was hiding under the coffee table..... and I think I will be giving the candle stuff to Jacy and you can get it from her or Kris... I am almost done with Speaker for the Dead, so whenever you want that back... and let me know when your brother is done with the 2nd Twilight book.

Megan - I see the part where you meant well in your comment... but I don't think it did anybody any good. I never compared Nathan to excrement, and never intended to. You can purge many things, you know. Like you could purge air from an oxygen tank, as an example. I think you were the only one comparing him to excrement, though I know you don't think that and definitely did not intend to do so.

Alex - You are the only one who is totally neutral. You truly do not choose sides and that rocks. I know that when you talk to us individually, you can identify with our points and agree to some extent, but you don't discriminate. Also, hanging out tonight was awesome, we must do more of this! How long has it been since we just drove around listening to music??? Reminds me of when we met!

Jen (my jen) - Much love to you! You are an awesome friend and I can't wait to see you Saturday night!!

Ethan - I enjoyed your articulate and supportive comment!

Stephanie - I <3ed your comment. I agree, my sin is only that I have a developed vocabulary. Smart Heather FTW!

Brian O - I heard a rumor that there's going to be a Thundercats movie! And thanks for the comment, too! We should hang out some time and watch cartoons.

Big Matt - Thank you for the support in both Myspace and LJ!

Derek - Journalism FTW!

Nathan & Jen Z. both - Woooooooow.... I so knew that was going to happen. hahahahahahahahaha LAWL I cannot tell you how amused I am at the news of you two. It's pretty f-ing funny, to tell you the truth! Like I said above, I always knew I was the only thing standing in your way. Best of luck, I guess?

Jared - I will not quit LJ! :-P No wai. <3

Time for bed now.
I'm feeling...: crazycrazy
thenextaudrey on November 7th, 2008 06:34 am (UTC)
oh good grief.
well, i have a ton of work that is patiently waiting for me to finish it;however, before i get to that, i'm going to be done with this bit of drama.

first off, i weighed in on your word choice. there is a lot that can be said for which words you use and the context you use them in. what you said was harsh. it was. whether you're at a place where you can admit to any wrong doing or not, that's the way it is.

secondly, your texts tonight were out of line. if you want to discuss ending a friendship with me with people OTHER than me...and then add that discussing it isn't worth it to you....well, yeah. okay. thanks.

thirdly, censorship...oh, back to that. I don't think that anyone should have to censor what they write in their own journal. WITH THAT SAID, you are responsible to what you write. To write whatever the hell you want and then expect no one to react is...well, it's ridiculous. the simple truth is that there are consequences to actions and also to words.

fourthly, and this is something that would have come up if you'd actually taken me up on my offer to discuss things between you and i...there was a discussion that occurred after hanging out with you between russ and i. he found the manner that you were acting disturbing since you were currently in a relationship and could do nothing but talk about the guy you wanted. reasonable reaction since he knows nothing of you, nathan, or the relationship dynamic between you. i explained a great deal of this to him. in the end we both agreed that it is best to deal with the person you are with prior to looking to someone else. and that if there is someone else, then the person you're with should be the first, not the last, to know. that aside, as i've said before, me agreeing with all of your actions was never a requirement of my friendship.

it did not sit well with me that my love had any doubt about whether or not cheating was acceptable in my group of friends based on our interaction with you.

and i don't like a lot of what's been happening lately. the mud-slinging, the name calling, the threats...it's all very tiring to hear of every day.

and to be fair, it hasn't all been on your part, nathan has added some fuel to the fire, to be sure. BUT i also recall him trying to call a truce and you not letting it lie. and for the record, the overabundance of name calling directed at jen is completely and totally uncalled for, and i find it really offensive. i don't think anyone really expected us to be friends, but we are. and i don't like when someone insults my friends and calls them names. please stop.

your myriad of emotional reactions to things is to be expected. you're not indifferent to nathan. maybe you'd like to be, but right now, the things he says do hurt. and the same is true for the things you say to him. i think given some time, the two of you may be able to be friends, but probably not until you get to the point where contact doesn't hurt either one of you.

and now...to my last point...there's no winner here. there's no loser. there are people moving on. there are changes. there is even HAPPINESS and new loves.

everyone has better things to do than dwell on this.

if you think or feel i've chosen a side, it's because your actions are the ones i disagree with most at the time.
that isn't meant to hurt or to offend you. i'm not going to say i'm neutral. i'm not. i have opinions. i'm honest about them. i don't like that you would throw me aside as a friend so casually. but i also know that being my friend involves dealing with the fact that i'm not always going to approve blindly of what you do or say or shut up about it just for the sake of the friendship.

so, i guess i'll leave it up to you how you'd like to proceed from here.
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on November 7th, 2008 07:31 am (UTC)
Re: oh good grief.
It comes from the mouth of Nathan that you have chosen his side entirely in all of this. And I never cheated on Nathan with Jared. Jared did not hook up until after. Yes, we flirted, but the rest was innocent. Oh and guess what, Nathan and I are friends now. We saw each other today and had a great conversation and even talked very openly to each other about our "new loves" as you say. He made it clear to me that you were his friend.

Also, did you not see that it was Jen and Nathan that attacked me??? Actually, it was all Nathan because he made Jen do that. He knew what he was getting into. He knew that when attacked, Heather does not take it lightly. I am a quick draw with my words and I don't give up easily. HE KNEW THAT when he told Jen to attack me. Your quick jump into "Nathan is right about everything, Heather sucks" shows me that maybe you aren't as good a friend as I once thought you were. And EVERYONE took what I meant with the word "purging" in entirely the wrong context. And he was quick to jump into a new thing with Jen as well, so how am I the only bad guy? If your friends with both of us, you need to actually be friends with both of us. Remember, I may have moved on fast, but Nathan was the one who cheated on me repeatedly and always lied to me. I know I was no picnic for him, but I definitely did not deserve to be hurt in all the ways he hurt me over the years.

Also, Jen and I are talking and on good terms, FYI.
thenextaudrey on November 7th, 2008 07:41 am (UTC)
Re: oh good grief.

Okay, first of all, i guess i don't really understand your tone here??

anyhow, how you relate to other people doesn't really affect what i think of what happened. so i'm not sure why you're bringing that up? i didn't ever say you suck and that nathan is right about everything. i don't believe i ever said you were the bad guy.

you know what? the responses really frustrate me and make me wonder a little why i'm putting forth the effort here.

you know, jen and nathan have more history with you and are much more tolerant of your childish rants than i am.

your tone and intent are clear here heather.

message received loud and clear.

i'm out of this drama.

Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on November 7th, 2008 07:52 am (UTC)
clarification time I guess
Well I'm sorry that Nathan had to inform me that you were 100% on his side. Maybe Nathan is a bad messenger... it wouldn't be the first time he has done something like that. I took what he said as a hint that you are more his friend than mine. It actually shocked me a bit too. You shouldn't be choosing sides when you're friends with us both. I'm sure I overreacted, but the thought still lies with you being Nathan's friend over mine.
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on November 21st, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
being nice here, read please... worth discussing
ok, since you banned me from your LJ, I have to put my thoughts to your post here. Nothing petty and no name-calling in this at all... just Heather's side of the story and how she sees it. (this is part 1... LJ couldn't handle it all :-P)

First off, I would like to reiterate that fact that I was leaving everyone alone... I had not bothered Nathan because he had told me he never wanted to talk to me again etc. I gave him his space because that was what he asked for. I censored myself online because I didn't want to rub anything in anyone's face... I didn't post any details about my new relationship with Jared. I kept things vague and limited myself to "I'm excited about life." One day I decided that it was stupid to censor myself on my own journal/blog because they are mine and not anyone else's to tell me what I can or cannot post. I use one stupid verb that everyone takes the wrong way and suddenly I am the worst person on the planet. Suddenly it's "wow she is so mean to nathan blah blah blah" when in reality, I did not actually say that to Nathan, so I was in no way trying to be mean to him or berate him with my myspace blog. At this time, Nathan told Jen to post warlike comments in response. How did I react? The way I should have reacted when being attacked! And for the record, Nathan did not say anything about a "truce" until after I posted my last words. When he called for a truce, I stopped. I let sleeping dogs lie... I'm not usually one to provoke people, but when I am provoked, I aim to kill, because I know I can. Everyone should know that, and I know that Nathan knew that, but he jumped the guy anyway and started attacking me. Keep in mind now that I had been leaving him alone and had not even talked to him since the break-up. And my harsh words towards Jen? I never would have said it had she not attacked me. Me and her talked afterwards and both apologized to each other, so I ask that you please forget that let it be because it is no longer your place to pour salt in anyone's wounds. (actually, my initial response to Jen did not insult her or contain anything that horrible... but Nathan had to jump in and start really getting ridiculous, so my responses naturally changed to defend myself... and I never name-called on that post. I may have resorted to a few intelligent name-callings on LJ, but by that time I was really angry because Nathan just would not let it go. He was the one that started posting on my LJ with nasty comments.)

part 2 to follow, response got too long for LJ to handle :-P
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on November 21st, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
worth discussing part 2, conclusion
You have not been a friend to me at all in any of this. You have not talked to me, except to place judging comments on my myspace and LJ, so what was I to think when Nathan "claimed" you and said you were his friend and not mine? He was the one that told me that you chose him and only him over being friends with both of us. If he lied, then you need to deal with him for being deceptive. I don't ask my friends to always agree with me... My best friends Stacy and Keith never agreed with my decision to stay with Nathan after he cheated on me... they never liked him and did not know why I was still with him... I did not hate them for their difference of opinion concerning my choices. I am glad that you were there for Nathan when he was hurting and I'm glad that you are still his friend. I was not glad, however, that you never once tried to contact me or ask me how I was doing. Your actions spoke loud and clear to me once Nathan "claimed" you. I'm sorry that I was deeply upset about it, and yes I'm sure I overreacted a little... but come on. I thought you were my friend, and then I get a nice stab telling me that maybe you really weren't my friend anymore? Of course I felt hurt and betrayed!

As far as how I have been acting lately... I very seriously do not think I have done anything that bad. I do not object to Nathan and Jen. I am happy for them, honestly. I simply expressed my concerns with how she has been treating Alex and told Nathan "hey, be careful, I know firsthand how she can be..." He got way too defensive and overreacted. Then he posts our conversation on his LJ, which he did NOT ask if I was ok with. He proved to me once again how little respect he has for me. Alex calls me, freaking out over how Nathan got mad at him for nothing. I read the comments, I see Nathan yelling at Alex for no reason, I respond. I do not think that I said anything horrible, but Nathan got defensive and said some really mean things to me once again. I do not deserve that at all! I do not deserve to constantly be called names and told to lick Donut's asshole and suck a dick or be called a sociopath (wtf??)

Do you even care that Nathan was stalking me? I really think he his crazy sometimes... and honestly, it scares me. He seriously f-ing scares me! He would actually get really violent when we had arguements when we were together and throw stuff at me, Megan. I was so scared sometimes that he might have actually hurt me... I don't think I ever told you that. I was actually afraid, after we broke up... I was afraid he would try and do something horrible to me. I'm lucky that he merely decided to stalk me by hanging around Jared's apartment and try listening through the back door (yes, nathan admitted this to me and others). I do not deserve to fear for my safety because I have a crazy ex-boyfriend! Did you know about any of that? Did you wonder how I was doing? I felt so betrayed and deserted by you. It seemed like we were actually good friends at one time, but now I am not so sure. I don't see how you could not have a problem with what Nathan has done to me. All you ever said was that you had a problem with me and my actions... but Nathan was innocent?? Nathan did nothing wrong? Please do not tell me that you think he did nothing wrong. I acted out of defense, and yes, I said some hurtful things, but so did he. Actually, I think what he has said to me has been way worse than anything I have said to him... especially since I did not call him names. I am far too intelligent to have to instantly resort to name-calling the way Nathan has.

This reply is getting so exhausting... I have actually tried not to cry a few times. But this is my side of the story. I don't want to be your friend if you can't support my decisions (you don't have to agree with them, but I ask that you at least support me, or hush up after you have said your piece and let me do what I am going to do). I don't want to be your friend if you just sit back and let people attack me and call me names, and then jump to the defense of the person who has attacked me. If these are things that you can't do, then let me know. I do want to be your friend, Megan... and I want you to actually be my friend. I guess the rest is up to you.