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17 December 2008 @ 08:17 pm
Who's leading you now?  
I don't know where I am right now. Time is slipping through my fingers and I am just letting it waste away. I have been "partying" a lot more than normal lately, and it's fun and all... but it always seems like something is missing. I go out and I'm Miss Heather the social butterfly, staying true to my Gemini ways, but it seems like there should be more to it. I'm not all about partying and doing crazy shit. Sometimes I just wanna lock myself up and disappear, but I know I couldn't do it for long. I do kind of need the social interaction and to know that I am making some sort of imprint on the world, as miniscule as it may be. There's an emptiness somewhere inside me, and I don't know what to fill it with.

But at least I have gotten a little further on my xmas shopping. I went to the craft store today to buy more paint and some glitter and spent way too much. I was out til 5 am last night cause I chilled with Brad at Out--a-bounds then we joined some of the OB crowd at Seth's apartment, which is 2 minutes away from my house... and I wasn't too sober when I ventured home, which normally I would not do, but it was so close to my house that I did it anyway... I think I was more tired than intoxicated though. I wouldn't even say I was drunk, just riding a good buzz. I got asked too many times to count why my boyfriend wasn't out with me or where he was blah blah blah. Do I have to take him everywhere with me? No. Do we need to be joined at the hip in order for me to be happy? No. I'm really liking the laid back thing right now, anyway.

Man, I really need to get on the ball here and start painting or something... There is always too much stuff to do. If I'm not careful, I'm going to mentally shut down and just cry for a day......
 
 
 
theeinherjar on December 18th, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)
*smiles sympathetically* Ah I understand all to well. Trying to fit in work a social life and that burning desire inside to do something great and find something bigger than yourself to be a part of