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25 January 2010 @ 04:04 pm
Life updates... and a mini rant?  
I'm still being lazy about sending my Aveda app...

Chase broke off whatever it was we were doing...

Luke's birthday was of epic proportions!

Started hanging out with this guy Mike that I met at the party...



I have launched myself into a world of "I don't know." I think what I do know is that I really just need to have my playtime. This is what I decided when i broke up with Jordan - that I was just going to be single for awhile. I may have easily changed my mind with Chase if he had wanted that... and well, it really sucked when he said we should just be friends. He shall claim no girly tears from me though. *sigh* He was a fun one... really got my motor running. Is it bad that in the aftermath I'm thinking, "Can we at least fuck each other... just once?" ha. haha. ha. But really, I have no idea how we went on several dates in 3 months, each ending with a pretty fiery make out session and never had sex. I guess I should have just been more aggressive, but I was so stuck on "taking it easy." I know I could go out and get laid pretty easy... as Brian described Luke's party, it was like they all worshipped me. I wouldn't put it exactly that way, but yeah, people do vie for my attention. Damn, it sure feels good to dress up and have lots of boys flirting with you. On a sidenote, when is the cut-off for using the term "boys"? None of them are boys... but the jury is still out on that one. This guy Mike... jury is still out on that one, too. I find it kinda funny that he works with Chase... and apparently Chase pulled him aside at the party when he noticed we were talking to let him know that he had just broken up with me... WTF? Why does that matter? He never held any real claim to me. I never even pretended to be exclusive... I still flirted and made out with other boys. That is just my nature. Until I have been pinned down with titles, I will do what I please.

Other thoughts: Must hang out with Alex more! Seriously, this might be the longest we have gone without hanging out for years. Also, must see more of Derick.

I'm hungry... and why does it smell like warm apple pie downstairs?
 
 
I'm feeling...: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:11 am (UTC)
Couldn't he have asked me? Ugh... I was just always too nervous and confused at where he saw things... haha oh man, this is like a vicious circle... :-( A sad circle. This SUCKS.
(Deleted comment)
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:21 am (UTC)
I do know what I want... :-( I was never sure he wanted anything though.

OH MY GOD and WTF... Miiiiiike I really liked him...
Jen Bushsuperfrau on January 26th, 2010 08:31 am (UTC)
Look, if you didn't have the nerve to put it all out there for him, then its pretty readily thought that he just wasn't right for you in some way. If you really wanted to be with him, I'm sure that you could have mustered up the courage to tell him how you felt and what you wanted.

You can either be sad about this turn of events (which some could see was inevitable) or you move forward and find someone new. Its all up to you.
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:35 am (UTC)
People have said this to me before... how it should be super easy... but it isn't! I don't get the same spark from a person that is easy. The spark was what made me so nervous... the thought of liking someone that much, someone that I was really really attracted to etc... it's scary. And those are the feelings that make you feel energetic and alive... feelings that often get buried deep inside.
Jen Bushsuperfrau on January 26th, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC)
The feelings that make you feel energetic and alive aren't the feelings you should bury.

There can be no greatness without risk. Yes, getting hurt or rejected sucks. But, you will never know if you never try. Have courage, tell Chase how you feel. If you don't, then you only have yourself to blame.
(Deleted comment)
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:36 am (UTC)
It seems like the ship has passed... I suck... Has the ship passed?
(Deleted comment)
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 08:43 am (UTC)
I feel pretty pathetic right now...
(Deleted comment)
theeinherjar on January 26th, 2010 12:23 pm (UTC)
"why does it smell like warm apple pie downstairs?"


Why does that sound dirty?
Heather Joneszerocoolphreak on January 26th, 2010 12:27 pm (UTC)
Just because...
anaverinanaverin on January 29th, 2010 01:50 am (UTC)
imsorry